If I were a pitcher....

You know how sometimes life kicks you so hard in the genitals you feel as though your grandchildren may suffer permanent brain damage? Yes, you could say I'm there. Nothing of tragedy has happened currently to make me feel this way per say, simply a combined effort of all things that could go wrong.... you get the idea.
I would like to think of myself as a strong woman, one who is compassionate, giving and of a loving nature. I grew up hard, partied harder but then grew up; and like most who have done so, I have sacrificed much.
As a mother of four, sacrifice is nothing new to me. I kinda thrive on it really, but I have been noticing of late, the extent of my self sacrifice. That is to say how much of myself I have actually been neglecting. Having four children has taken it's physical toll on my body and at 38 I'm feeling the call of the armchair more clearly than the call of the wild; and yet I still hear that faint call. I want to lose the excess weight that's been dragging me down and making me feel twice my age, as well as some other personal goals I've set. This is my thought process anyways. Each time I try to accomplish any of these things I face monumental hurdles.
The needs of the many seem to always out way the needs of the few. The husband, God I love this man, has emotional stunted growth syndrome. Ever hear of it? It's a common disorder amongst men ( not really, at least not recognized by the medical profession) in which a man is seemingly unable to incorporate emotion into his daily life. Where once I was a woman, sexy, vibrant and easy to show off.... Now when asked to describe me, I am an awesome Mom, a great cook and great at cleaning. Hmm........ what happened?
Somewhere along the way my husband has forgotten I'm still a woman, still need to be told I'm beautiful, still need to know I'm loved and appreciated for my importance in his life. He calls me high maintenance and needy because I ask for hugs, or to cuddle or told I'm pretty. I don't think that's high maintenance, but I do feel it's necessary for a healthy relationship if both parties needs are being met.
He needs a clean house, he needs domestication to feel secure, is visually stimulated this way and feels I appreciate what he contributes to the family, but more importantly to him personally.
I, however, have been pleading with him for as long as I can remember to open his mouth and say something just for me, acknowledge me, the woman, not the mom, not the nanny or maid, but me, inside. He's yet to comprehend my meaning I guess.
Don't get me wrong, he is an awesome man, worthy of praise and all positivity I can say, but he has to understand that a relationship is work as well as pleasure. You need to put effort in if you want any results in life, not just marriage.
There's not many women out there that have what I have, I've loved the man since I was 15yrs. old and I still get butterflies and weak kneed when he smiles at me. I honour him the best that I can and do for him anything he asks, I just don't feel it's a two way street anymore and it hurts.
It could be insecurity talking, I know that. But I needed to say it, I needed to know I'm worth it. I feel like a pitcher of water, at one point I was full, but with each need of his I refill his cup, and refill, and refill. He has yet to refill the pitcher with fresh water and I'm tapped. It's how I'm feeling today. That's all I have to say right now.